Arts for All ââ“ $5 Tickets to Many of Portlands
Last updated on Jan 16th, 2018 at 10:29 am
Why is Oregon the number 1 place to move to? I honestly have no thought, simply the latest news articles want to convince you that somehow this state is paradise on Earth and the whole land is moving here in droves. I've lived hither my whole life, and let me the outset to tell you lot, this identify is miserable and itSUCKS Big TIME. So if you're considering moving here, I'd reconsider. I personally tin't wait to get out of this place, it's a real nightmare living in Oregon. Y'all'll probably think twice after reading my 14 reasons as to why the beaver state really isn't all its croaky up to be.
1. Tweakers are everywhere
Ever watched an episode of Breaking Bad? This will basically exist your daily life living in Oregon. The meth heads are rampant here. I grew up in a place known as Springfield, which locals similar to refer to as Spunfield. If you don't believe information technology's bad hither, just take a drive downwards chief street in Springfield anytime of the week. I'm convinced the zombie apocalypse has already started right here in Oregon. If they aren't zombies, you could've fooled me. The tweakers on mountain bikes especially showroom zombie-like behavior. They love to swerve in front end of you when you lot're driving 40mph down the road, it's really pretty damn scary. Oh and if you bulldoze a Honda hither, consider it gone, considering a tweaker will most definitely steal your Honda.
2. The rain never stops
(Photo Credit: KATU Channel ii)
Theres a reason Oregon is one of the most depressing states to live in, our skies are always grey and the rain never lets upwardly here. It'south rare you meet someone with a swimming pool. Honestly, nosotros don't need a pool because in reality Oregon is just a huge pond pool. You can't even get to work without being drenched by continuous downpours. Plus, Oregonians are crazy enough to get and do things in the pelting like fishing. I'm guessing you don't want to be wet all the time, and y'all've probably never fished in your life. Who the hell wants to sit down effectually holding a fishing pole anyways? Sounds pretty boring right? Speaking of ho-hum…
3. Oregon is about every bit fun every bit watching paint dry out
Talk most the nearly Deadening identify to live in the world. Everything closes at 2am, and then the whole country shuts downwards. The but people y'all'll find by 2am awake are those zombie tweakers I mentioned earlier, and crazy boozer people. Did I mention you can't only stroll into the grocery shop and buy a canteen? You're forced to go to the liquor store to buy your favorite drink, and well-nigh of these places shut by 9pm. Talk well-nigh inconvenient! Ok, then you don't accept to drink to have fun. I become it, I'grand not big on drinking either. Sorry to disappoint y'all, but your lifes going to suck even more here if you lot don't potable because there is literallynix to do exterior meeting upwardly at the pub and waking up to a bad decision from the nighttime before.
4. Oregonians already hate you
Still thinking about moving to Oregon? Better remember twice. In case yous didn't know information technology, nobody in Oregon wants you hither. I know what you lot're thinking, "Oregon looks like paradise! What a cute place to motion to, information technology looks so peaceful and OMG the mountains!" Newsflash bitch, it's not so pretty and everybody here already hates yous. If you motion here from California, Oregonians have a special kind of hate for you. Don't ask me why that is, it just is. I tin't make this stuff up. Oregonians really don't like people moving here, peculiarly Californians. Don't believe me? Enquire anyone who's moved here from out of state, the years go by and they are however non accepted astrue Oregonians. Imagine walking through the mall and everyone looking at you similar you just banged their married woman. Oregonians can literally smell a transplant a mile away, you'll exist lucky to survive 6 months here.
v. Deadly earthquakes
If you honey your life, you lot might as well forget about moving to Oregon, because you're probably going to die. If you haven't read the latest, co-ordinate to every news source the "large 1" is definitely coming very soon, and iii.97 1000000 Oregonians are nearly probable all going to perish any day now. Hope you can swim, I hear the Pacific Ocean gets pretty common cold too.
6. You lot'll wait forever for someone else to pump your gas
Oh you have an important business meeting to attend to? Well you improve let them know to offset without you, because on whatsoever given day you tin can expect to expect at to the lowest degree two hours just for someone to come pump gas into that fancy car of yours. That'south right, Oregon doesn't trust y'all enough to pump your own gas. In our state, aside from some rural areas in Oregon,Fuel Attendant Professionals handle this for you. Since we are talking near your fancy motorcar, you can forget about that whole car launder affair. The weather is so bad here it'll constantly exist muddy and getting dented by hail the size of golf balls. There's literally hail everyday, and it's actually pretty dangerous sometimes. Worst case scenario you get killed by hail, all-time case your fancy car gets ruined by hail when you move to Oregon.
7. Devils lettuce everywhere
Unless yous've been living in a cavern, and so y'all're probably enlightened that Oregon recently legalized marijuana for recreational use. That's right, the devil'southward lettuce is everywhere in Oregon. Hibernate your kids, hide you grandma, because marijuana will literally suck your soul and destroy everything and everyone you love.
If you're not afraid of this institute, move to Oregon and yous will see with your own ii optics just how destructive it's been to our once charming communities. Oregon was once a nice, charming place to live until the evil marijuana plants took over. You've been warned.
8. Everybody in Oregon drives really dull
Speaking of grandmas, not merely do Oregonians drive slower than your 90 twelvemonth old grandma, but they don't know how to drive at all. They don't know how to merge, and they love to drive 50mph in the fast lane. Information technology's almost like they do it intentionally, they know y'all accept somewhere to become in a bustle, but they are laughing while they make sure you tin't pass them.
ix. Everyone here is all all earthy and shit
Seriously, dingy hippies everywhere. The 60s never died in Oregon. The other day I bought a $12 smoothie in Eugene for lunch. It was green similar slime, all earthy and shit. I literally drank a whole garden in a cup, and there's just something really weird almost that. My body was super dislocated, like I was full but my belly didn't ache. Trust me, this was not a good experience. All this hippity dippity healthy nonsense. Who eats their repast in a smoothie? What the hell does gluten free even mean? Not to mention all these Oregon hippies smell similar patchouli oil. If yous're not a fan of patchouli oil, and so you lot'll probably be disgusted when y'all move here, because this nasty stench is everywhere y'all get.
10. Everyone in Oregon is obsessed with nature
Face information technology, nature sucks. Who the hell in their right mind would want to sleep on on the dirt? It'southward cold, information technology'southward bumpy, and instead of sleeping in your warm bed at home yous'll exist sleeping in some creepy forest with creatures lurking in the nighttime. If you lot don't similar camping, well all your new Oregon buddies volition, and let's merely be honest here — Oregon is definitely not for you lot. Oregonians accept lost their minds, they all love to practice "fun" activities outdoors, like hiking, and rock climbing.
Why would everyone go climb a rock? Also, you could easily go eaten by a mountain lion while camping in Oregon. Mountain lions aren't only wild in our forests, they run the streets here. If you come to Oregon and the big convulse doesn't kill y'all, a mount lion will about likely eat you.
11. Thugs everywhere
Mountain lions aren't the only animals running the streets in Oregon. I got 2 words for you. White boys. You remember you're hard? Y'all haven't seen nothin' however til yous come to Oregon. These white boys here don't mess effectually, if a mountain lion doesn't eat you y'all'll virtually likely get robbed and left for dead by some white gangstas in the hardest suburbs of Oregon.
12. You'll probably end up homeless
Let'due south face information technology, jobs in Oregon are scarce. And if there are jobs, they are already taken. So when you move here, prepare to effigy out where you tin can pitch a tent considering your donkey is most likely going to end upward on the streets. I said tent because people here live in tents wherever they delight. We literally take camps all over towns like Eugene. We've already established how much camping sucks in the wood, merely imagine camping side by side to homeless heroin junkies. That will probably be you if yous move here, sleeping next to junkies. And then you lot should probably invest in a skilful tent before y'all come to Oregon.
xiii. Everyone here is just basics
Non only are at that place freaks everywhere, only its a known fact in Oregon they cutting funding to all the mental homes back in the day, so as a result there are simply crazy people roaming the streets everywhere you become here. Yous ever seen that picture show I Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest starring Jack Nicholson? I bet y'all didn't know they filmed that here in Salem. All those crazy people that used to be in the loony bin now just roam the streets of Oregon. Just call back about information technology for a minute. Crazy people. Crazy people everywhere.
xiv. You don't have a shot in hell with an Oregon daughter
That's beautiful, you use moisturizer to keep your pare nice and salubrious. Just a heads upward pretty male child, Oregon girls will peel you alive. They similar to hunt wild fauna, catch fish, and some of them even chew tobacco. I in one case knew an Oregon girl who killed a grizzly bear with her bare hands. If you practice none of these things, well lamentable slick you only don't accept what information technology takes to impress an Oregon daughter. Oregon girls aren't like the girls you know back dwelling house. Oregon girls like men who get dirty and stuff, and I'm betting your hands are softer than a baby'southward butt. To put information technology simply, Oregon girls are just too badass for yous.
All the same desire to movement to Oregon? Don't say I didn't warn you, this identify is truly the worst place y'all could ever motility to. I know what you're thinking, oh this article merely applies to the w side of Oregon. Well sure, you could move to Eastern Oregon. Merely just so you know Eastern Oregon is really just one big desert. You recollect Oregonians are crazy in the w? Ever seen that moving-picture showThe Hills Have Eyes? Yous won't need to worry as much about the meth heads in Eastern Oregon, yous'll come face to face with real life cannibals, merely like in that creepy movie. Again y'all're only a transplant here, so if a cannibal doesn't eat you some crazy inbred person will probably wearable your skin for decoration before they bury yous in the center of the hot desert.
Source: https://thatoregonlife.com/2016/03/14-reasons-oregon-sucks/
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